The quantum reality remote control for Author-bot

You may have read that thing about having a remote control that shuts people up. Yes it's amusing and please don't point it at me all the time, sometimes I have to take phone calls from work.

The quantum reality remote control works by a process called hyperchaotic annealing.

We will start the exposition of it's capabilities by imagining we're at a busy restaurant. When the main course arrives, the hologram of Brad Pitt phases into the dining hall - he waves and smiles, and then disappears. At this point you may say to your dining companions "did you see that?" and they say "of course" and the restaurant patrons applaud.

That's transient teleportation. If you can afford the technology you can visit any space at any time for a minute or so and spread joy. I went to Paris in December 1986 last week, it was snowing but crisply romantic and beautiful. I saw the misty breath of young Arab street football players. They saw me and looked puzzled but went back to their game without fuss.

The other functions revolve around wholistic and partial displacement. Let me explain - it's easy. I may wish to phase into someone else. Programming this remote control I could posit that on the reaching of a threshold of adrenalin that I turn into Humphrey Bogart at the peak of his powers. He could handle just about anything! Partial displacement could mean that I may just want his voice or tolerance to alcohol if I was playing drinking games at the local city naval base.

These displacement can also happen in ecology. In a given habitat you may choose to program all panda bears to have Common Wanderer butterfly wings if the local chameleons learn to read 14th century Provençal at the level of an undocumented Ming Dynasty sage.

These functions also extend to electron based forms. Objects can phase into flesh forms. Certain architectural features of a street, let's say, can embody the qualities of certain chemical processes of exoplanets in a centuries long state of methane storm.

So we have an idea of the scope of our easily purchasable device available by partial payment or mortgaging your family tree.

But why go for the outlandish for outlandish sake? Obviously, programming the quantum reality remote control you'd entertain going into "bliss" mode. Your partner could manifest the feathers of a Celestial Taoist swan or have eyes that connect your entire homeostasis to universal flow.

I use it to create hours of world peace in my hermetically sealed reality. It's wonderful! But I am naughty - my girlfriend went for a high powered job interview and I launched the world peace script five minutes before the panel called her in. She couldn't answer the question "what would you do if a customer complained angrily at the office counter?" 

She told me to please not do that again for job interviews but she was cool - the company was boring as watching paint dry.

So, if you are interested in purchasing this unit, PM me. Oh, and be reminded that the remote control itself may morph into something like an abstract concept, as it slides behind the sofa once in a while.